Wednesday, November 27, 2013

YOLANDA – and its aftermath to (some) people

This blog post might seem a bit too late, but I did intend to write post scripts, when the ’storm’ is finally much more calm. Tough I have been quite active on my facebook account about how to help and all other things about #YolandaPh; my fascination with behavioral psychology is really at its heights.

So let me start…

Here’s a rundown of how this very strong storm had changed even the country’s political and social landscape – with concentrations on these people.

PNOY (The President)

I was never a fan, but he has been doing quite good in the first few years in the office (and so I give him credit for that, click here ) until the recent weeks. Coming from Ateneo myself, am aware of this man’s status in the learned society. He is, as we call him, OC when it comes to details. He disregards wrong information and is really pissed by wrong and bad media. This gives him a good (and not so good) status.

One, he took the police’s statement that almost 10,000 died. It was a rough estimate and it was wrong. He made a good impression by stating that it could be less, so to not put further bad effects. What he did wrong? He fired that man off his post. Was it too much? Well, for a staff who was there at the city where thousands were killed, he was simply being honest and fair. Was he wrong? Yes but to fire him for simply stating a possible fact that made the world ‘listen and look’ at us far more caringly? – NO. 

Secondly, he said Tacloban was not prepared - and I say yes. But granted the region’s leaders, was that statement a statement or a political bashing? The Romualdezes took the storm like a simple thing, and it pissed me off as well. For one, an ex-executive of Cebu was able to evacuate a total of 1500 people out of an island to safety; how come Tacloban, which has been historically hit by calamities of this magnitude took a calm approach. Is the governor liable, YES. But with the president’s political bashing, too much! While he was lambasting the also affected officials, where were the reliefs? It took four days before the innocent survivors received one. Galing Galing naman nun, PNOY. Talk about real #Priorities.

Lastly, he took over the mission to help only after bashing (and blaming) everyone else and, here’s the fun, only until the international media started to talk negatively of him. Now, the question, did he really intend to help primarily because he is RESPONSIBLE AS WELL? Or simply because his image is way going down?

My ratings: DOWN.


She has lost her credibility long before this event, but her incident with CNN’s Anderson Cooper placed her even below mud. She has been quite very good on TV but is really off on DZMM since Binay and the rest of their rivals. Making a not so needed bad comment on a reputable anchor on the field, haha , nah sistah, way too much. Would I ever believe her, hell no. Has she lost her media reputation – yes!

My ratings: Get another life!


I won’t talk much about this guy because am not well researched really, but his current HAHAHA comments on the PAG-ASA personnel l who died on the field during the typhoon was not just below the belt but is a serious indicator of his low view on the morality of things. Why blame the person who died while serving well? Pag-Asa did not do anything stupid this time, he did. The agency lost a personnell, he laughed about it. Now tell me, is he worth our trust?

My ratings: konting ingat, p’re.

And since all these guys have further lost their rather not so good reputation, here’s some who inspires…


Get the news here : 
(Kara David's facebook)

I need no more words.
These are poor people with a good heart….


(posted by RED CROSS on their twitter account)

a person with disability who inspired me to be better, to continue living…


for further help:

Need I say more? 
From the millions donated, to the labors freely given. 

Sunday, November 24, 2013

is there really heaven

When I was still a kid, I was a special kind, all because I was my mom’s son. I was never like the others, I was among the others. I have had special needs – and wants. Am not allowed to go out the house and play under the sun like any other kids, I still remember sneaking out during siestas, when mama is but asleep. I was, well, truly taken great (not just good) care of my mom.

And tonight I really wish she’s alive. I miss mama so much, and I miss being special.

After she passed away, my life really turned around. The kid who was spoiled with everything he needed, and wanted became a pick pocket (yes, I was) and started stealing from people for food. He became much of a disgrace, a dirty disgrace.

Soon after, I was picked up from the miseries of life by my brother, who became my guardian. Though I wish he took a harder hand on me, he gave me a better life. A better future awaits, or so to speak.

But life yet again is testing me, and here I am again, asking if there really is heaven.

Hurt by the turn of events, I have no other choice but to keep a rather stronger heart. It is hard living the life I live, granted that hope is yet again, seemingly, fading away. Kung alam mong isang araw darating yung panahon na mabubulag ka, na maaring iiwan ka din nila, na maaring ang buhay mo ay magiging isang malungkot na kwento – kakayanin mo pa ba? When all you ever wanted was to sing and laugh and cry with your family. When all the things you ever wanted to do was to simply be happy with them, pero mukhang hindi mo na magagawa dahil magiging pabigat ka? Where do you draw strength from?

When all your life gusto mo lang maging okay ka, maging masaya with not much but enough, matatakot ka bang malaman that one day you might not be really be able to even take care of yourself? Masakit isipin ang bawat sa sagot sa mga tanong ko, but day in, day out since September, sila na ang tumatakbo sa utak ko.

There was a time that the pain surged and all I ever wanted was to die, and find out if there really is heaven. Pero takot din ako, at ayokong mamatay nang talonan. I still want to win in life.
Pero may mga araw at gabi talagang gusto ko na lang din sumuko…
and perhaps answer that question about heaven’s existence.

Siguro doon, mas masaya, mas magaan ang buhay.
Siguro doon, hindi na ako mabubulag…
Siguro doon yayakapin akong muli ni mama and tell me it’s alright..
Siguro doon may aakay din sa’kin, sa aking pag iyak…     

(This post was written on a rather emotional phase, pardon my drama, but I just want to let it out)

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

a not-so-typical gay guy's love story

I am gay – but I once feel in love with a girl.

I have been settled and assured with my gender preference ever since I was in high school. Truth of the matter is, I have really affirmed my gender after a failed attempt to settle with a girl back then. Anyhow, that isn’t the topic of this post, so turning the story; it was during my college freshman year in Ateneo that things went weird.

She was a typical girl, an ordinary pretty lass from somewhere north of Bicol. She was the usual gal, silent a bit but is truly worth talking with should you be given a chance; which happened many times to me (chuckles). She was a hot chick actually, that kind of girl that not all the famous boys would pile up to to court but is definitely someone whom the serious guys with serious intentions pursue. She was the perfect gal to date, she was smart and sensual, funny and God-fearing. She’s a jock when she is around friends and a serious Atenista when times call for one.

I was, well, gay. But during my freshman year it was not given nor clarified. I was more of a guy-with-tendencies, and nobody in our block has ever asked my gender preference –yet. So I was, one of the boys for most of my classmates. I was the silent type, the not-really-very-viral-but-is-a-smart-guy with a zipped up mouth (hahaha). Well for a proper adjective, I was a bit a typical guy with a bit of brains and a silent ground. I was not very comfortable talking with my blockmates initially because am the only one from my school who came into Ateneo. I was like, adjusting really.

When the second semester came and I have adjusted quite well already; she became my seatmate on Psychology. And the rest was history.

I have a crush on a guy from our block, but I also have a crush on her; a thing that never happened to me, ever. It was really weird seating beside her. I get curious and all, all the time. Do I smell like this or do I look like that. I felt like a high school kid trying to impress my seatmate.  

The day came when I decided to try it, to speak up. Valentine’s day of that year I ordered a single rose from my very own organization, which was delivered during one of our major classes, when I was seated quite far from her. Although I wish now that maybe I should have ordered from, somewhere like for a more intricate design, but anyhow, that morning, the flower that came in was really something. It was way too simple, but it carried much of my happy thoughts, much of my pagmamahal (hehhe). And up to this day I still recall the feeling.

To cut this short, she then knew how I felt towards her. But, like I have said, I am gay and perhaps she knew am better off as one (heheheh). We’re still friends now and she’s currently taken by someone better than I. He cares for her as much as I have hoped I would also for her.

But life really knows better. I am happy that she’s truly happy now. But I would never forget that day my rose told her everything I was feeling, for at that moment, I truly loved her. (things are different, though, now heheh)  

Saturday, November 2, 2013

the truth sets everything free – even ...

There are many things in life that’s hard to express.

Hindi madaling magsulat ng real emotions towards a person you might like, or hate.

Hindi rin madaling sabihin sa taong gustong gusto mo na, well, gusto mo sya.

Kung may sakit ka din tulad ko, hindi din madaling sabihin sa lahat ang mga ayaw mo, ang mga peeves mo – kasi nga naman, arte lang – baka ganun isipin nila.

Kahit gaano ka na kagalit sa gago nyong kapitan o di kaya sa babaero nyong Mayor, di mo naman magawang sabihin sa facebook – try mong maCyber Crime Law.

Maski gustong gusto mo nang umamin kay pudra na wis mo talaga bet ang girl na nirereto nya dahil si pareng George ang bet na bet over to the bones mo talaga, eh kalma lang, baka ma deads pa si papa sakaling mag big reveal ka anytime.

Saklap noh?

I stumbled upon an Instagram post from Ryan Chua days before, and it has this thought.

(see original post here:

If you all really think that HONESTY is a virtue, why?

Napaisip ako. It got me thinking na baka nga, to be honest is not at all, or always the best way to be.
Come to think of it, there exists bliss in the ignorance of certain things. Perhaps others simply have to put another person into the picture and realize that maybe, just maybe, shutting up is the best. Not saying is the best. It has not always been dishonesty when you are not, well, primarily honest, maybe sometimes it is called being civil, being educated. It is like putting the blinders on, so that not a person outside could see the dirty laundry inside. It is simply, censorship – in a far more complicated way.

I have my share of stories, of MY personal experiences when I simply have not been honest – for the better. It has kept many of my, mostly filial and business relationships intact. I have a few friends with whom I know I have not been truly honest with, but we’re really thick now, so why risk breaking the relationship. In short, I have been wiser, I have to.  

Here is the catch though.
None of my closest friends, as in none, have been DISHONEST with me, nor have I been.
My closest of friends know not everything about me, but everything that stirs concern, no matter how hard it may fall on them, I have never kept. I have a few people in my life that appreciates the brutality of an honest friend, a friend that knows when to speak – and how to.

You see. I think the two sides on this actually give us benefits. Using them well only depends on, who else, but the user. The world is a wonderful place, but it is partly evil for a fact, thus playing with HONESTY is one thing that has no general rule. Granted all these, tantya tantya din ano?

The truth sets everything free – even evil. So speak carefully. 

Thursday, October 24, 2013


not for a life time.

This thought has been bugging me, well quite noisier lately. 
In the absence of a clear future for me, 
nothing really comforts but the thought that today, 
at this very moment, 
I could be happy. 

The passing days have been tormenting knowing that most of the dreams I have had are slowly fading with my vision. 
But I take perfect solitude and calm in the thought that this too shall pass. Funny how my opening line came into my mind. I was, of all places, at the loo for you know, and then IT came in. Para san pa nga ba ang buhay ko? There are dreams fading, but now new ones are also getting in. I suddenly remembered my mom and how early she left - and how i survived it. The time after her passing and the moment I have completely moved on. I remember the things I used to cry over with - and how funny they seem now. The funny concerns I have had when I was in high school and how stupid they seem now. 
Life's like that really, sakyan mo na lang. The fears that we have now would all be over and things would be better. 
Cliche, pero bahala na si Batman!   

I am afraid of what life has to offer because I really don't know what's ahead. And then it hit me, who really does know?

TRIP lang ang lahat, kaya dapat chill lang, kalma. 
Mabulag man ako o hindi, maging masaya man ang lovelife ko o hindi, what matters most really is 
how THIS VERY MOMENT is spent. 
As you know, tomorrow might not really any more come to me, so why fret. 
Let's LIVE, let's live in this moment!

to life, cheers!

Sunday, October 20, 2013

scared to death

There is a cool song from KC Tandingan that belts these words out – in tunes so enduring and sensual I can’t help but feel it, too.

Well, the thing is, I have been scared to death the moment my right eye also suffered from what my left eye had suffered from. Does it scare me to be blind? YES. Does it scare me that my medications might give me its pay back? YES. And am I scared to live in a world where I might become nobody because, well, am sick – and worst, blind? YES.

The fear reaches its peak whenever my medications are low, and my emotion is down. Funny how a friend could turn an entire day around, but in the absence of a friend – or just any soul worth talking with, the emotions turn sour. I really find it funny, for a guy like me, to act like a preggy woman making lihi. Life, eh?

But the fears are actually becoming far more, really, real.
Now especially, that in spite my medications, my eyes seem to be stubborn enough to keep whatever these inflammations are. Sometimes I just really hope that, sige na, mabulag na kung mabulag and let’s have this over with. But most of the time, wag po muna. Wag na po.

It’s past twelve now, and I can’t find the slightest reason to sleep. Aside from because my medication is still in effect, my condition has been reminded to me yet again earlier today. Mahirap din subukan maging masaya kung di mo magawa yung mga gusto mo. This is really the saddest part. Another thing is that my friends, who are all over the world now are living the lives we’ve talked (and dreamed about) once. Asan ako?

Am so scared to death – and I just can’t help but cry.
No more tears are running down, but the pain is still there, and it scares me so much that one day I’d end up losing everything – everything na pinangrap ko.

(breathe in)

Inhale courage (and hope). 


Monday, October 14, 2013

Saturday, October 12, 2013

WISDOM - from a three year old

I was browsing through my personal FB account 
when I stumbled upon this post from Mr. Kengkoya local brand for bags owned by a friend, 
and this actually made me reTHINK of the three years old that I was.

Funny how many life lessons we can learn from kids, eh?
So think back folks...

.. back when...



25 Things You Keep In Your Life That Are Only Holding You Back

(An original by: Charlotte Green)

1. The phone numbers of people that never, ever call you or text you first, and often don’t even respond when you text them.
2. Mean or uncomfortable exchanges with people — either in your text or internet history — that you occasionally go over and re-read because they make you feel angry and terrible all over again.
3. Subscriptions to online stores that you can’t afford, and which send you tons of emails and texts about the sales you should not be spending money on.
4. Bitterness over the things that your friends or coworkers have, that you might not be able to afford or have time for.
5. Expectations about having “the perfect” significant other, or someone who is going to make you feel better about yourself/fix your problems in a way you’re not able to do on your own.
6. Facebook friendships with exes that you have no interest in talking to again, and only keep around so you can occasionally stalk their new significant other.
7. Facebook friendships with people you don’t really know, don’t care about, and who post ridiculous things that always make you roll your eyes.
8. The idea that you have to keep up with all of your friends professionally, even if you don’t want the same things or have the same backgrounds, just so that you can impress them on social media or at parties.
9. Roommates who don’t respect your personal space.
10. Subscriptions to magazines that make you feel ugly, fat, poor, and unstylish.
11. Friends who only like to hang out with you or keep their plans when it involves drinking and spending a lot of money, and who otherwise aren’t that interested in being around you or hearing what you have to say.
12. A sense of entitlement about the amount of material things you think you deserve in life, especially when it’s much, much more than you need to be safe and comfortable.
13. Desire for name-brand and the latest version of everything, even when the generic brand or off-brand is just as good, or when you could get the item at an outlet store as long as you were willing to wait a season.
14. Pictures of you where you think that you look so much better in, and that you torture yourself with by looking at every day when you are feeling particularly ugly.
15. All of the old clothes and accessories that you no longer wear or use, which just clutter up your closet, and could easily be donated to people who would actually use them.
16. Junk food that you know you’re going to binge-eat if you keep in your cabinet or refrigerator.
17. People who constantly make weird comments about superficial things that make you feel really self-conscious.
18. The idea that you need to go to a coffee shop on the way to work every morning to get breakfast/coffee, when you could just as easily take two minutes to prepare things yourself most days and save hundreds or thousands of dollars a year.
19. Shame over the amount of debt you are living with.
20. Memories of the time that you label “the best time of your life,” which makes you consciously feel as though everything else you do won’t compare or will just be part of an overall downward slope.
21. Old medicine from when you had a minor surgery or dental procedure, which you will now just take recreationally even though you know that’s a terrible idea.
22. Resentment for your friends who are in happy relationships, because part of you feels like them having love success somehow means that there is less hope out there for you.
23. The idea that the amount of work you can do is directly correlated with how much time you spend at the office or how long you spend working at home. (A work-life balance, or being able to do more work in an efficient amount of time, is way more important than putting in overly long hours.)
24. Family members who make you feel terribly about yourself, who contribute nothing to your life, and whose only connection to you is genetics at this point.
25. Love for people who will never love you back, no matter how much energy you devote to caring about them and wondering what they’re doing at this moment. 

Friday, October 11, 2013


( I planned to post this on the 23rd of September, my birthday. But for reasons, I thought it might not be, you know, appropriate. But reading it again this afternoon, I have realized, this isn't really much of a self-pity post, it's my life now. so here you go...) 

I planned this year to be awesome – apparently it’s not.

I planned this coming birthday of mine as a blast, something worth remembering, but I guess this ain’t gonna be. I’d rather have a small, but meaningful, birthday celebration here at home. Pansit and some chiffon cake would be enough. But of course, I’d love to hear them sing happy birthday to me. Nothing much to expect; nothing much to look forward to; but should I say this would be my saddest birthday, I’d say no. this would be one of my most meaningful. And yes, this would also be something that’s really enlightened.

My family, the very family I have been so proud of has got issues, has got many little secrets that now I know. My sibs have got their issues too; all of them have got a thing or two that they keep dear to themselves. Others, with others. My niece and nephews are all growing, well, older now. And all of them promise a great future ahead. These things make my family, well, normal. It makes it complete – so perfectly flawed that I love it! These are the things that make my days, lately, full of reflections – and yes, new dreams.

Life at 23 is something that others look forward to. 
But do I have the courage now?      

in the end...

Monday, September 16, 2013

Monday The 13th

It's Monday here in the Philippines, and yet this doesn't fall on a rather ordinary day, well at least not in my category. The 16th of September has never been an ordinary day - since my Mom left. 

This year marks the 13th year of our loss. And God knows how much I miss her. The tears I have shed would never be enough, I guess. I just shed some earlier, yet again. Oh well, Mama has never been an easy topic. She was my star and my only hero then, well until now she holds a special place in my heart, and for that being she would forever be the only woman who can make me feel the way I do. 

I remember the last night we spent. Me and Papa were exhausted because of the long day we have had. We were all excited for bed after watching some TV flicks, and Mama was being the usual her, a bit tired, too. Never did I expect that it would be the last of her that I would see - alive and breathing. 

13 years have passed. These years all have had a pain in them whenever my Mama gets to be talked about. I miss her, I miss her a lot. There were times that even during my Junior year, I was still crying over thoughts of her. I guess when your Mom passes away, part of you also passes away. I have felt that, and now, yet again, I can feel it. There would always be that missing piece. I don't care how you might find this post cheesy, or even irrelevant, but this is my way of coping up and hopefully, living a better life - which Mama would have always wanted for me and her family. 

She was our greatest hero - our best friend and worst critic. She was my protector - and my teacher. I have always wanted her to teach me a thing or two. And I would forever be grateful for the moments we have had together. Although my time with her was the shortest, I know in my heart of hearts how much she liked me, how much we loved me. She was never the greatest of mothers, I know, but she did her best to be. And for that, calling her the BEST MAMA would never even be enough. She was more than that.

So days like this really give me a sad thought. Losing her that early was really tragic - but life has to move on and life has simply have to be. Where ever she in heaven, I know Mama watches me with pride and great joy. I might not be the perfect son she have always wanted to be - but I know I make her proud. I know I make her cry too, and laugh and be the mother she has always wanted to be over me. Even in her absence, I have always felt her guiding hands. And for that, I thank her way too much!

This post just really intends to shout to the world how loving my Mom was, my mama is. And for that I'd also like to ask for a little prayer from you, may she continue to be happy in heaven, where the angels and saints; and her Almighty Father celebrates the beauty of life and the life ever after with her.



Sunday, September 8, 2013


There are things that are meant to scare us, some to scare us to death.

Well, I guess I have this scared-to-death tendency especially now that my medications are high.
Scared-to-death is one thing that’s common in my make-up, in my structure or whatever; I know you get the point. But there is also one great thing about being way too scared, you usually cling on to a thing or two for hope – or at least for your survival even for just a night.

The way we see things greatly affects the way the world sees us in return. Frankly, I haven’t been the best of a person, but the world has had rewarded me with good company. My deeds have been recognized and I have been, so to say, celebrated at my own right. I have been an Atenista, a true blue Atenista and I have performed well in the field I have chosen to belong. In a line, I have been living a life.

Until things changed; until my health took most of my dreams away and reminded me, in my weakest, that I am nothing – that I am no one.

Now I don’t even get to fix much of the way I look. I don’t even mind being unable to bathe. It is not because I have lost my sanity, it is because I have gained more wisdom, I would like to think. I would be turning 23 come the 23rd of this year. And God knows how much I have wanted to ‘change’ my life. But life changed me instead. My entire life’s plan is gone and it’s replaced with something far greater than I to comprehend. Perspectives have changed and so did my life – for the better. Although I have to admit that my scared-to-death tendencies are still way too fresh, am also far more happy-to-death each time I turn a thing or two into a reality. Each time I am able to actually help one – without even intending to, or even noticing. It is fun to be a real person; a person who hurts and cries – but also learns how to laugh and laugh some more.

My sister said a line that took lots of my old self;
“Pwede ka naman talaga palang maging masaya, without pushing yourself to much”
D*mn right! And for that, I loved her even more! I understand how and why she behaved the past months – and partly, I also understood myself better. This line doesn’t make me perfect or my sister; but with so much hope, I really wish this opens us to changes, to greater positivity – and yes, even to a deeper and far more appreciative way of living.

I hope same for you! Thanks for reading! :)

Friday, August 23, 2013

I told him it’s better, better than before.

We plan our lives out.

In a world of measurable achievements; a well crafted plan plus a well executed step by step process is by far a thing that many aspire to do. I included. As planned, I should be holding a middle management position by now at Summit Media and doing some articles about lifestyle in between my Marketing stints. I should have been paying for a low priced condo unit with Avida and basically living the life.

But. There are BUTS in life that sometimes would break you – including all your life’s plans. These are the things that happen for the simplest reason that they should, or they would, or they simply could. Getting sick, losing a love one, learning that you’re down broke – anything that could reap away hope. It’s a sad thing. It is very sad and depressing. But, another BUT, it shall pass.
HOLDING on to your dreams could bring you so much hope.
I did it and am continuously holding into it.

I still can write, in spite of my visual limitations. I still can talk should come the time that I really have to bid good bye to my vision. Besides, I have a family that cares for me more than I think they do, should worse come to worse.

Frankly, when you face a life’s challenge as big as mine, the world actually becomes brighter. I don’t anymore consider this situation as a hindrance, but a vital part of my growth. My nephew, a few days ago asked me how my eyes feel and how they see things. I told him it’s better, better than before. Literally it is not, but the perspective changed. And so did I, I would like to think.

So cheer up. 
Nothing in this world is ought to bring us down - not even being unable to do all your planned out goals.

The spontaneous and the unplanned is far more fun! The measurable is for those who simply seek to finish, those who like to enjoy seek adventure – and life’s supposed to be that way.


Enjoy the coming long weekend guys!  

Thursday, August 22, 2013


Give credit to whom credit is due.
And so goes my post’s title.

I have never fully liked the president; there is something in him that’s so Cory Aquino. Of their family, it’s really only Ninoy whom I have liked most. But that doesn’t place me behind enemy lines nor does that make me an oppositionist.

I am more of a criticizing fan. I have said this before, that I never did vote for PNoy but his time at the office made me a fan. I have become a huge fan, a supporter and a critic all at the same time. I don’t agree with him in many many things but I agree with his goals. I don’t initially see the wisdom in most of his unusual ways – but God, I like them! He is fierce and firmly willed, the kind of president that we needed – after Marcos.

I am turning twenty three in a few days and I’d say am but a new soul to say much. But the last four presidencies, as for me, were a joke compared to what PNoy is doing. The past administration being the worst there is. Imagine the growth that this current presidency has brought upon the country – in a span of three years. Half the road and we have achieved what the past four presidents, including his MOM, had never.

True enough, the poor and the lower sectors of the society would say that these statistics and economic ratings are but just numbers. But as a part of that sector of the society, I would like to bask in the hope that sooner than soon, we are to feel, to experience changes. Although frankly; I see and feel some already.

The biggest ally of this presidency is not the one with a barong or that tuxedo at congress, nor is it the Resorts World dining businessman. It is not just them; it is us, as well. The current attitude and perspective by many Filipinos as measured by the likes of SWS shows how much trust and hope we have to a non-thief head of state. There is just so much trust that I hope we also learn to unlearn the attitude of negativity. I still see it and hear it often, but there are messages of hope and positive change every once in a while. Let’s listen to voices that aim for a better Philippines, frankly stop listening to Kabayan or that Korina Sanchez.

Like I have said above, KUDOS to PNoy 
for bringing about a culture of righteousness and positive change.
But the biggest KUDOS goes to all of us, for responding well.