a not-so-typical gay guy's love story

I am gay – but I once feel in love with a girl.

I have been settled and assured with my gender preference ever since I was in high school. Truth of the matter is, I have really affirmed my gender after a failed attempt to settle with a girl back then. Anyhow, that isn’t the topic of this post, so turning the story; it was during my college freshman year in Ateneo that things went weird.

She was a typical girl, an ordinary pretty lass from somewhere north of Bicol. She was the usual gal, silent a bit but is truly worth talking with should you be given a chance; which happened many times to me (chuckles). She was a hot chick actually, that kind of girl that not all the famous boys would pile up to to court but is definitely someone whom the serious guys with serious intentions pursue. She was the perfect gal to date, she was smart and sensual, funny and God-fearing. She’s a jock when she is around friends and a serious Atenista when times call for one.

I was, well, gay. But during my freshman year it was not given nor clarified. I was more of a guy-with-tendencies, and nobody in our block has ever asked my gender preference –yet. So I was, one of the boys for most of my classmates. I was the silent type, the not-really-very-viral-but-is-a-smart-guy with a zipped up mouth (hahaha). Well for a proper adjective, I was a bit a typical guy with a bit of brains and a silent ground. I was not very comfortable talking with my blockmates initially because am the only one from my school who came into Ateneo. I was like, adjusting really.

When the second semester came and I have adjusted quite well already; she became my seatmate on Psychology. And the rest was history.

I have a crush on a guy from our block, but I also have a crush on her; a thing that never happened to me, ever. It was really weird seating beside her. I get curious and all, all the time. Do I smell like this or do I look like that. I felt like a high school kid trying to impress my seatmate.  

The day came when I decided to try it, to speak up. Valentine’s day of that year I ordered a single rose from my very own organization, which was delivered during one of our major classes, when I was seated quite far from her. Although I wish now that maybe I should have ordered from, somewhere like philfora.com for a more intricate design, but anyhow, that morning, the flower that came in was really something. It was way too simple, but it carried much of my happy thoughts, much of my pagmamahal (hehhe). And up to this day I still recall the feeling.

To cut this short, she then knew how I felt towards her. But, like I have said, I am gay and perhaps she knew am better off as one (heheheh). We’re still friends now and she’s currently taken by someone better than I. He cares for her as much as I have hoped I would also for her.

But life really knows better. I am happy that she’s truly happy now. But I would never forget that day my rose told her everything I was feeling, for at that moment, I truly loved her. (things are different, though, now heheh)