There are things that are meant to scare us, some to scare us to death.
Well, I guess I have this scared-to-death tendency especially now that my medications are high.
Scared-to-death is one thing that’s common in my make-up, in my structure or whatever; I know you get the point. But there is also one great thing about being way too scared, you usually cling on to a thing or two for hope – or at least for your survival even for just a night.
The way we see things greatly affects the way the world sees us in return. Frankly, I haven’t been the best of a person, but the world has had rewarded me with good company. My deeds have been recognized and I have been, so to say, celebrated at my own right. I have been an Atenista, a true blue Atenista and I have performed well in the field I have chosen to belong. In a line, I have been living a life.
Until things changed; until my health took most of my dreams away and reminded me, in my weakest, that I am nothing – that I am no one.
Now I don’t even get to fix much of the way I look. I don’t even mind being unable to bathe. It is not because I have lost my sanity, it is because I have gained more wisdom, I would like to think. I would be turning 23 come the 23rd of this year. And God knows how much I have wanted to ‘change’ my life. But life changed me instead. My entire life’s plan is gone and it’s replaced with something far greater than I to comprehend. Perspectives have changed and so did my life – for the better. Although I have to admit that my scared-to-death tendencies are still way too fresh, am also far more happy-to-death each time I turn a thing or two into a reality. Each time I am able to actually help one – without even intending to, or even noticing. It is fun to be a real person; a person who hurts and cries – but also learns how to laugh and laugh some more.
My sister said a line that took lots of my old self;
“Pwede ka naman talaga palang maging masaya, without pushing yourself to much”
D*mn right! And for that, I loved her even more! I understand how and why she behaved the past months – and partly, I also understood myself better. This line doesn’t make me perfect or my sister; but with so much hope, I really wish this opens us to changes, to greater positivity – and yes, even to a deeper and far more appreciative way of living.
I hope same for you! Thanks for reading! :)