Friday, August 16, 2013

dealing with the sick and the afflicted

Be it cancer, a disability or a rare auto-immune disease like mine, people with special health concerns are pretty much different. That does not mean we require special than special care and attention, just a different context when dealing with us like what we give to people - individually. Our differences make us unique and that do bot have to be a hindrance into having harmonious relationships. 

Anyhow, here's a few things that you might need to be aware of. Just so you know.

1. NEVER ASSUME. Know their language. 
Sick people have fears, pet-peeves and conversation turners. Know first what ticks them before assuming that conversations could go well. A hint, never mention their condition unless they open up. There's a whole different world they know, aside from their sickness - know that! .. 

2. FEAR. Never speak of it. Never ask of it.
People with terminal diseases, those with chronic conditions might sometime surprise you for having such a positive attitude towards life. But rule number1, never assume, because most of the time, they hide from the thoughts of their fears. So never ever bring it up - unless you are clinically there to talk about it.

3. RESPECT THEIR TEARS, no matter how small.
A rare condition in life is sure to give you a different perspective about things, so unless you fully (which you will never) understand a sick guy's vision of the world, never ever laugh at or belittle a tear. the slightest of things could mean an entirely different world to him. Simply put, walang basagan ng trip.

4. PAIN IS PAINFUL - no matter the degree.
I won't elaborate much, but the thing is a man's toothache is different from yours. so shut up and let his pain killers work. Not even a word to apace matters to a man in pain.

5. LISTEN. Never suggest.
In most cases, people with cancer or a rare disease would like to hear your opinion on things. Sometimes they even listen to a particular individual whom they find to be trustworthy enough. Unless you are that person, learn to listen first. Sick people usually talk about what they feel, start from listening to what they really say as this builds trust and in return understanding.

6. ASK. When you can ask.
Only when you are able to do the first five of these rules shall you have at least the right to know when a person is opening up, really opening up, to you. Only then shall you have the right to ask certain things that you might like to know - including his fears.

Silence might be the best option to some when it comes to dealing with things that we can't change. It's not. Silence knows no warmth, a hug does. A little physical connection can break so much that simply hugging a person with cancer or a rare disease could lift moods. Go ahead - unless you ain't really close.

8. NEVER EVER SURRENDER. You don't have that right.
So the doctor said, he might never see again. And you said something like that life is wonderful and all those happy encouragement. In the end though, you said that we should never any more expect cure because it will not come. You have a point. But you don’t have the right. He knows already, so don't kill his soul simply because of your blubber mouth. Most of the time, words can mean so much to sick people. Sometimes, it could break the trust he has given you. To give up from his fight is his right, don't ever take that away from him.

Allow them the things that they like to do. He writes, he draws. He likes to travel and see Batanes? Go ahead, let them at least feel more alive by backing them up. It feels so much wonderful to have at least one person who fully trusts in your passions and capacities - even given the limitations at hand.

10. LET THEM LIVE and commit mistakes.
He's not going to have a longer lifetime than yours, why limit him? Why keep him? Why be the reason of his sadness. LET THE GUY LIVE! There is so much to life that they could taste and feel and see and hear - all of them, all the possible joys that they can. Allow him to commit mistakes and laugh about it after. Allow him an unrestrained life. 

If there is one thing they truly need, it is not the medications but a real, unconditional love from someone who sees their value more than anyone in this world.


to you for taking care of someone like like us
may GOD give you more than you give  

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