because am going to die…

I do believe that I would die young, well at least younger than my peers. I won’t be throwing a pity-me party on this post, but pardon me for sounding like am. For the record, I am not.

I simply would like to share my thoughts… 

on life – and on death.

I have stumbled upon a blog last week that has an interesting title, because am going to die. 

The sick guy in me assumed that perhaps he might me like those I know, sick and dying, thus are seriously writing in the hope of immortalizing themselves, or at least the memory of the simple short life they have lived – or maybe, just for mere expression.

Turned out he was not, is not.

It is weird actually to hear a guy talking about the possibility of death – without having befriended a life-threatening experience. Or perhaps, he has – and am simply assuming he has none. Bottom line, he sees life in a perspective that’s uncommon – and that’s cool, if not dorkish and weird.

On my way to work today, waking up from a rather dull weekend, I was thinking about how ‘normal’ is. I was wondering how is it to live ‘normal’. I was even pondering on the thought that people could really not understand, unless cancer becomes a part of the family, until death becomes a friend. People would sympathize, but they would never understand the fear guys like me have, they would never understand the profundity of loss – until it is them who have lost. So how would I be understood?

I was bugged by these thoughts and I was, am pretty much disturbed.

Dreams are fun, but if you are not assured of yet another day, dreams can sometimes be burdensome. There are times that it is best to stay and lay still – breathe and fall asleep in the comfort that perhaps the next day would be better.

This guy talks about life – and death, like he has been touched by the fear of loss, befriended by death and yes, awakened everyday by the possibility of dying. He can understand my thoughts – am guessing. And that gives me hope – that possibly someone out there would understand. Somebody would relate and see the real story behind my tale-telling.

And so today, I breathe in extra inspiration…

.. cheers to live, or at least to today.