the truth sets everything free – even ...

There are many things in life that’s hard to express.

Hindi madaling magsulat ng real emotions towards a person you might like, or hate.

Hindi rin madaling sabihin sa taong gustong gusto mo na, well, gusto mo sya.

Kung may sakit ka din tulad ko, hindi din madaling sabihin sa lahat ang mga ayaw mo, ang mga peeves mo – kasi nga naman, arte lang – baka ganun isipin nila.

Kahit gaano ka na kagalit sa gago nyong kapitan o di kaya sa babaero nyong Mayor, di mo naman magawang sabihin sa facebook – try mong maCyber Crime Law.

Maski gustong gusto mo nang umamin kay pudra na wis mo talaga bet ang girl na nirereto nya dahil si pareng George ang bet na bet over to the bones mo talaga, eh kalma lang, baka ma deads pa si papa sakaling mag big reveal ka anytime.

Saklap noh?

I stumbled upon an Instagram post from Ryan Chua days before, and it has this thought.

(see original post here: http://instagram.com/p/gGE-LnQWp7/)

If you all really think that HONESTY is a virtue, why?

Napaisip ako. It got me thinking na baka nga, to be honest is not at all, or always the best way to be.

Come to think of it, there exists bliss in the ignorance of certain things. Perhaps others simply have to put another person into the picture and realize that maybe, just maybe, shutting up is the best. Not saying is the best. It has not always been dishonesty when you are not, well, primarily honest, maybe sometimes it is called being civil, being educated. It is like putting the blinders on, so that not a person outside could see the dirty laundry inside. It is simply, censorship – in a far more complicated way.

I have my share of stories, of MY personal experiences when I simply have not been honest – for the better. It has kept many of my, mostly filial and business relationships intact. I have a few friends with whom I know I have not been truly honest with, but we’re really thick now, so why risk breaking the relationship. In short, I have been wiser, I have to.  

Here is the catch though.

None of my closest friends, as in none, have been DISHONEST with me, nor have I been.

My closest of friends know not everything about me, but everything that stirs concern, no matter how hard it may fall on them, I have never kept. I have a few people in my life that appreciates the brutality of an honest friend, a friend that knows when to speak – and how to.

You see. I think the two sides on this actually give us benefits. Using them well only depends on, who else, but the user. The world is a wonderful place, but it is partly evil for a fact, thus playing with HONESTY is one thing that has no general rule. Granted all these, tantya tantya din ano?

The truth sets everything free – even evil. So speak carefully. 

moments

WE LIVE FOR A MOMENT, 

not for a life time.

This thought has been bugging me, well quite noisier lately. 

In the absence of a clear future for me, 

nothing really comforts but the thought that today, 

at this very moment, 

I could be happy. 

The passing days have been tormenting knowing that most of the dreams I have had are slowly fading with my vision. 

But I take perfect solitude and calm in the thought that this too shall pass. Funny how my opening line came into my mind. I was, of all places, at the loo for you know, and then IT came in. Para san pa nga ba ang buhay ko? There are dreams fading, but now new ones are also getting in. I suddenly remembered my mom and how early she left - and how i survived it. The time after her passing and the moment I have completely moved on. I remember the things I used to cry over with - and how funny they seem now. The funny concerns I have had when I was in high school and how stupid they seem now. 

Life's like that really, sakyan mo na lang. The fears that we have now would all be over and things would be better. 
Cliche, pero bahala na si Batman!   

I am afraid of what life has to offer because I really don't know what's ahead. And then it hit me, who really does know?

TRIP lang ang lahat, kaya dapat chill lang, kalma. 

Mabulag man ako o hindi, maging masaya man ang lovelife ko o hindi, what matters most really is 

how THIS VERY MOMENT is spent. 

As you know, tomorrow might not really any more come to me, so why fret. 

Let's LIVE, let's live in this moment!

***

to life, cheers!

scared to death

There is a cool song from KC Tandingan that belts these words out – in tunes so enduring and sensual I can’t help but feel it, too.

Well, the thing is, I have been scared to death the moment my right eye also suffered from what my left eye had suffered from. Does it scare me to be blind? YES. Does it scare me that my medications might give me its pay back? YES. And am I scared to live in a world where I might become nobody because, well, am sick – and worst, blind? YES.

The fear reaches its peak whenever my medications are low, and my emotion is down. Funny how a friend could turn an entire day around, but in the absence of a friend – or just any soul worth talking with, the emotions turn sour. I really find it funny, for a guy like me, to act like a preggy woman making lihi. Life, eh?

But the fears are actually becoming far more, really, real.

Now especially, that in spite my medications, my eyes seem to be stubborn enough to keep whatever these inflammations are. Sometimes I just really hope that, sige na, mabulag na kung mabulag and let’s have this over with. But most of the time, wag po muna. Wag na po.

It’s past twelve now, and I can’t find the slightest reason to sleep. Aside from because my medication is still in effect, my condition has been reminded to me yet again earlier today. Mahirap din subukan maging masaya kung di mo magawa yung mga gusto mo. This is really the saddest part. Another thing is that my friends, who are all over the world now are living the lives we’ve talked (and dreamed about) once. Asan ako?

Am so scared to death – and I just can’t help but cry.

No more tears are running down, but the pain is still there, and it scares me so much that one day I’d end up losing everything – everything na pinangrap ko.

(breathe in)

Inhale courage (and hope). 

 .