moments

WE LIVE FOR A MOMENT, 

not for a life time.

This thought has been bugging me, well quite noisier lately. 

In the absence of a clear future for me, 

nothing really comforts but the thought that today, 

at this very moment, 

I could be happy. 

The passing days have been tormenting knowing that most of the dreams I have had are slowly fading with my vision. 

But I take perfect solitude and calm in the thought that this too shall pass. Funny how my opening line came into my mind. I was, of all places, at the loo for you know, and then IT came in. Para san pa nga ba ang buhay ko? There are dreams fading, but now new ones are also getting in. I suddenly remembered my mom and how early she left - and how i survived it. The time after her passing and the moment I have completely moved on. I remember the things I used to cry over with - and how funny they seem now. The funny concerns I have had when I was in high school and how stupid they seem now. 

Life's like that really, sakyan mo na lang. The fears that we have now would all be over and things would be better. 
Cliche, pero bahala na si Batman!   

I am afraid of what life has to offer because I really don't know what's ahead. And then it hit me, who really does know?

TRIP lang ang lahat, kaya dapat chill lang, kalma. 

Mabulag man ako o hindi, maging masaya man ang lovelife ko o hindi, what matters most really is 

how THIS VERY MOMENT is spent. 

As you know, tomorrow might not really any more come to me, so why fret. 

Let's LIVE, let's live in this moment!

***

to life, cheers!

I told him it’s better, better than before.

We plan our lives out.

In a world of measurable achievements; a well crafted plan plus a well executed step by step process is by far a thing that many aspire to do. I included. As planned, I should be holding a middle management position by now at Summit Media and doing some articles about lifestyle in between my Marketing stints. I should have been paying for a low priced condo unit with Avida and basically living the life.

But. There are BUTS in life that sometimes would break you – including all your life’s plans. These are the things that happen for the simplest reason that they should, or they would, or they simply could. Getting sick, losing a love one, learning that you’re down broke – anything that could reap away hope. It’s a sad thing. It is very sad and depressing. But, another BUT, it shall pass.

 

HOLDING on to your dreams could bring you so much hope.

 

I did it and am continuously holding into it.

(Photo: http://pinterest.com/brenttzu/brentography/)

I still can write, in spite of my visual limitations. I still can talk should come the time that I really have to bid good bye to my vision. Besides, I have a family that cares for me more than I think they do, should worse come to worse.

Frankly, when you face a life’s challenge as big as mine, the world actually becomes brighter. I don’t anymore consider this situation as a hindrance, but a vital part of my growth. My nephew, a few days ago asked me how my eyes feel and how they see things. I told him it’s better, better than before. Literally it is not, but the perspective changed. And so did I, I would like to think.

photo (c) : http://pinterest.com/brenttzu/brentography/

So cheer up. 

Nothing in this world is ought to bring us down - not even being unable to do all your planned out goals.

The spontaneous and the unplanned is far more fun! The measurable is for those who simply seek to finish, those who like to enjoy seek adventure – and life’s supposed to be that way.

***

Enjoy the coming long weekend guys!  

dealing with the sick and the afflicted

Be it cancer, a disability or a rare auto-immune disease like mine, people with special health concerns are pretty much different. That does not mean we require special than special care and attention, just a different context when dealing with us like what we give to people - individually. Our differences make us unique and that do bot have to be a hindrance into having harmonious relationships. 

Anyhow, here's a few things that you might need to be aware of. Just so you know.

1. NEVER ASSUME. Know their language. 

Sick people have fears, pet-peeves and conversation turners. Know first what ticks them before assuming that conversations could go well. A hint, never mention their condition unless they open up. There's a whole different world they know, aside from their sickness - know that! .. 

2. FEAR. Never speak of it. Never ask of it.

People with terminal diseases, those with chronic conditions might sometime surprise you for having such a positive attitude towards life. But rule number1, never assume, because most of the time, they hide from the thoughts of their fears. So never ever bring it up - unless you are clinically there to talk about it.

3. RESPECT THEIR TEARS, no matter how small.

A rare condition in life is sure to give you a different perspective about things, so unless you fully (which you will never) understand a sick guy's vision of the world, never ever laugh at or belittle a tear. the slightest of things could mean an entirely different world to him. Simply put, walang basagan ng trip.

4. PAIN IS PAINFUL - no matter the degree.

I won't elaborate much, but the thing is a man's toothache is different from yours. so shut up and let his pain killers work. Not even a word to apace matters to a man in pain.

5. LISTEN. Never suggest.

In most cases, people with cancer or a rare disease would like to hear your opinion on things. Sometimes they even listen to a particular individual whom they find to be trustworthy enough. Unless you are that person, learn to listen first. Sick people usually talk about what they feel, start from listening to what they really say as this builds trust and in return understanding.

6. ASK. When you can ask.

Only when you are able to do the first five of these rules shall you have at least the right to know when a person is opening up, really opening up, to you. Only then shall you have the right to ask certain things that you might like to know - including his fears.

7. SILENCE IS DUMB. HUG AND SMILE.

Silence might be the best option to some when it comes to dealing with things that we can't change. It's not. Silence knows no warmth, a hug does. A little physical connection can break so much that simply hugging a person with cancer or a rare disease could lift moods. Go ahead - unless you ain't really close.

8. NEVER EVER SURRENDER. You don't have that right.

So the doctor said, he might never see again. And you said something like that life is wonderful and all those happy encouragement. In the end though, you said that we should never any more expect cure because it will not come. You have a point. But you don’t have the right. He knows already, so don't kill his soul simply because of your blubber mouth. Most of the time, words can mean so much to sick people. Sometimes, it could break the trust he has given you. To give up from his fight is his right, don't ever take that away from him.

9. LET THEIR PASSIONS FLOW. 

Allow them the things that they like to do. He writes, he draws. He likes to travel and see Batanes? Go ahead, let them at least feel more alive by backing them up. It feels so much wonderful to have at least one person who fully trusts in your passions and capacities - even given the limitations at hand.

10. LET THEM LIVE and commit mistakes.

He's not going to have a longer lifetime than yours, why limit him? Why keep him? Why be the reason of his sadness. LET THE GUY LIVE! There is so much to life that they could taste and feel and see and hear - all of them, all the possible joys that they can. Allow him to commit mistakes and laugh about it after. Allow him an unrestrained life. 

If there is one thing they truly need, it is not the medications but a real, unconditional love from someone who sees their value more than anyone in this world.

*** 

KUDOS 

to you for taking care of someone like like us

may GOD give you more than you give  

where do you stand?

Life has a natural way of eliminating the weak.

Survival of the fittest. Law of nature.

Sometimes I wonder when would my time be up.

But so much for that. 

I'd like to simply put a message across for the weekend. 

The weak dies, the fittest survive.

But in the world, its not always about strength or wisdom - or even faith.

The fittest is a survivor, a living contender in an on going battle.

Whoever holds that favours of the gods, of the society as of the moment gets the power.

But lots are going to hate the favoured, the fittest included.  

On the moment the tides changes, the fittest would know how to strike - and who to put to silence.

Photo (c) : http://martinwiklund.deviantart.com/

The fittest is part GOD, part evil,

and he knows just how to survive.

Ikaw? 

Where do you stand? 

mama was right

When you grow older, you’d understand better. 

Mama was right, as it turn out.

On my commute to work today, I was giving this a thought.

Back when we were kids, we are often told that kids would not yet understand; that we have to wait and grow old, old enough, for us to understand certain things. Turns out, they were right.

Mama was right in saying that the world would be bigger as we grow up but it would be less complicated. The magic of fairy tales would die but the wonderful reality of life would slowly unfold. Yes, the world would be bigger, opportunities would be brighter, and numbers of people would come our way; and so to say, the chaos would seem to be louder. But it really won’t, it isn’t.

As we grow older, we become simpler. We learn how to see things in perspective; we learn the value of things and people. Our real wants and needs are also affirmed and re-validated  We would want more from life – but less in number. Our dreams become clearer and our ways become firmer.

The confusions that our bed time stories once had would soon all be gone as we age - in soul. 

Mama was right. Be patient my friend, you too shall understand.

Have a great week a head folks!   

Like the sun dying for the moon...

because loving is selflessly giving

I do not intend to ask to much,

but to love another soul is to catch a bullet for his heart.

Loving is not owning, it is freely giving. 

Pain is but a validation of its depth, 

but it is measured more by just tears. 

Like the sun dying for the moon,

and the moon doing the same...

.. to love is to die.

on PAIN

Not one person deserves pain. Not one soul ought to suffer. It is unfair and unjust. Not even souls of most hateful deeds deserve pain. But why is the good usually afflicted? Why, he who has not wished evil upon his brethren, has to suffer excruciating pain?

I asked God. To no avail.

A RARE ROAD (Living with Behcet’s Disease)

If one day you wake up and discover that from that day on, you are to battle against a rare disease that might also one day take away your sight or your sanity; what would you do?

Cry? Perhaps the easiest way would be to sulk and find a little place on earth that could give you the best possible comfort. To quote one of my friends, to find a corner and find warmth, cry and forget about the world- even for just a while.

I did that. Many times I have taken comfort from my little corner on this earth. I have tried to forget its noise, about how painful my coming days are as I have Behcet’s Disease; I have tired to forget about all my fears, all my lost hopes, all these fading dreams.

But the tears would run dry, and in the end, such tears would fuel a fire that would ablaze warmer than you may have ever imagined. The gusto to live and continue, in spite of and despite of all the struggles that living with a rare disease entails, nothing would keep those burning desires.

If there is one new realization I could share from my recent ordeal, it is that;

in LIFE, not everything turn our way. So don’t bring an extra map - instead bring an extra gasoline - and let’s set this road on fire.

It’s all up to us at the end of the day. There are so many things that would come in between our dreams and where we are today. Plans – maps - and goals are nothing but guides; but the real purpose of life is the adventures we reap.

Nobody said it would be easy. Although there would be conventional roads but mostly there are rare roads. These are where the sick and afflicted, the judged, the misunderstood, the victims and all those who carry a far more colorful slate traverse. It is not a sad road. In spite of the physical pain and the emotional roller coasters of living with a rare disease - our road is like but like any road. But be proud, because mostly it’s the brightest - because the bravest and the warmest of souls travel here.

Cheers to life!

Learn to INSPIRE Yourself

 * BUT *

#Inspire

a puppy tail's tale

Once there was a curious little puppy that stays in a cozy little doghouse with his mom. Being an only pup, he learns almost every essential thing there is to learn from her.

One sunny day his mom told him to go and play on the grass. He obeyed in delight.

Running to and fro, he took delight in chasing little bugs and butterflies. When he grew tired, he was treated with a refreshing drink of water by his mom on the patio.

For the entire summer he enjoyed chasing things. He even learned that little kids enjoy throwing balls and sticks which he would then fetch and return. He gets little treats for doing so, like a cookie or a crunchy chip. Chasing things is rewarding, he learned.

And so to say, he enjoyed and mastered the art of chasing.

One night he asked his mom where happiness is. He got curious when he saw a poster that says "I am in pursuit of happiness". The little pup is determined to chase it too, if only he could know where it is.

His mom said; it is in your tail.

 

When morning came, he went running into the grass and started chasing happiness, his tail.

But to no avail, he took the entire morning trying to chase and catch his happiness but he ended up tired and exhausted. At lunch, he asked his mom why he can’t catch his tail, his happiness.

His mom said simply; there is only one way to catch your happiness; stop chasing and move on, then your happiness would surely follow.

because I know I'd be better, #SOON

I try my best to not fuss about my health. Aside from looking like someone who’s throwing a pity-party, it is not also anyone’s business, so I just keep it to myself, most of the time. I have long learned that in life, nobody really cares. We’re all focused with our personal concerns, own insecurities and problems and personal victories that we really are not capable of truly being there for anyone. It is just another fact of human life; we’d never fully understand anyone unless we step into their shoes.

 (PS. am not jaded with LOVE, lols)

So let me be selfish with this post and allow me to think and talk aloud about myself – and my concerns.

It is hard living differently; it is hard being different per se. Much of my thoughts, since the day I have been redirected into a life way too different from the one I have planned, are covered with fear. Day in, day out. I live and breathe fear. Fear of what getting a worse strain after a medication, fear of loosing entirely my vision, fear of being left unattended (I know that sounded irrational, chuckles), fear of being a burden to my family, fear of going though extreme side effects. I fear, a lot - you got the picture.  

Of course I try to be positive and up for the sunny side, but the fact is that, like most afflicted, there is a silent sad retreat to fear – every time we’re confined to ourselves. There is a sad recollection of the things that used to be, when our health has not yet limited our capacity. Sometimes, there is also that sad revision of dreams forgone – all because things are different now.

I am not going to exhaust the average life expectancy – but that does not sadden me, it’s the thought of being not able to do the things I want to – within the length left of me. Every day I pray for strength – for more of which, so that I’d be at least, be able to take full celebration of what’s granted.

I have not lost the gusto to live – although this post might sound a bit sad and melancholic, my heart actually beams with hope. Gratitude for each day lived and hope, dire hope, for a better tomorrow.

 ***

hope+

  

  

  

      

#ThisIsWater

I graduated from Ateneo, and yes am saying that with a proud voice.

But after almost a year of working a day job, with a minimum wage in a city that I, day in and day out, hope am not living in, it has been clear to me, that a college degree (and an affluent and rather sheltered background) does not define the person that we are – more so, the person that we would become.

I stumbled upon GooglePlus a video edition of a commencement speech of a guy am not even so sure who, but is able to make a point so valid and true that I can’t help but share.

Watch the video first before continuing reading…

Knowledge is not everything. 

It is awareness that would turn life into the direction we have always wanted, but fail to reach because of our default ‘my-world-my-needs-my-rules-my-way’ view.

A good educational background, a comfortable and sheltered family live, and yes, even financial security during our younger years might have made us far more ego and self centered, that we fail to see the world the way it should be seen.

It has been and would always be a wonderful place, 

full of colors and possibilities, no matter what 

– so, let’s breathe a while, and see.

And yes, remind ourselves, that #ThisIsWater

#LightsOut

I don’t feel any taboo towards suicide. Sometimes, it is simply a brave surrender, a humble acceptance that things are supposed to end at that very moment. I have been and would always be a fan of Paulo Coelho’s Veronica Decides To Die.

I don’t see death as something that is to fear, especially once you have come at peace with yourself, your world and whoever you conceive your creator to be.

A family member took his own life a number of hours ago, and I went through his facebook account just now, and found his last three statuses quite assuring – and comforting.

Amidst the pain of losing someone, to know that he(she) might have come at peace with himself before his last hours is somehow comforting.

 ***

“ Last smoke before I go bro! ”

“ Smoke almost done in a few seconds it'll be dark ”

“ Lights out .. Peace out ... Ian out..#realtalk ”

*** 

 

Rest well man, ‘til we meet again.

Birthday Cakes and Suicide Letters

There are things in life that, perhaps, we will never really understand – no matter how hard we try. There are things that are never meant to me answered, things never meant to be questioned, to be asked. These are things that we accept – things we hug and dearly take, no matter the pain.

Today is my youngest niece’s 1^st birthday. It has been planned that come this Saturday, we’d throw the conventional birthday party that kids turning one would usually get. But baby Hannah won’t this time.

As much as we would like to celebrate life and the joy of having her in ours, it would be improper to raise a Martini and say kampai (cheers) with a grieving heart.

My eldest extended pamangkin (nephew) on my sis-in-law’s side just took his own life. The news came to me just before I tucked myself to sleep last night. It was just a few hours (Canadian time) after he was found – cold and lifeless.

 

On days like this, it would be improper to ask why. It would even be inappropriate to say everything’s gonna be okay, because things are not. In the coming days the family would be busy and the drag of giving him the last rites he deserves would probably consume most of the time.

And then when things are back to normal, or at least to how it is supposed to be. Only then, questions would be answered – or at least tried to be; only then would tears become really painful.

Was it a brave surrender? Or was it a plain loss of hope? Was it something he has wanted or was it something that life itself has pushed him into? Was he sad in the last breathe he took? Or was he thankful that it would be the last?

You know what is more painful? It’s could we have done a thing to make it not happen?

Thing is, we’ll never know. Everybody dies – some with their own hands. What matters now is the life he has lived; the joy he has imparted, the moments of love he has shared with those special to him and everything sunny he has had. Pain would be there, but I believe in the beauty of every individual – and the life he (had) live(d).

To yet another brave man I know…

… cheers to life! (and yes, death)   

  

   

because am going to die…

I do believe that I would die young, well at least younger than my peers. I won’t be throwing a pity-me party on this post, but pardon me for sounding like am. For the record, I am not.

I simply would like to share my thoughts… 

on life – and on death.

I have stumbled upon a blog last week that has an interesting title, because am going to die. 

The sick guy in me assumed that perhaps he might me like those I know, sick and dying, thus are seriously writing in the hope of immortalizing themselves, or at least the memory of the simple short life they have lived – or maybe, just for mere expression.

Turned out he was not, is not.

It is weird actually to hear a guy talking about the possibility of death – without having befriended a life-threatening experience. Or perhaps, he has – and am simply assuming he has none. Bottom line, he sees life in a perspective that’s uncommon – and that’s cool, if not dorkish and weird.

On my way to work today, waking up from a rather dull weekend, I was thinking about how ‘normal’ is. I was wondering how is it to live ‘normal’. I was even pondering on the thought that people could really not understand, unless cancer becomes a part of the family, until death becomes a friend. People would sympathize, but they would never understand the fear guys like me have, they would never understand the profundity of loss – until it is them who have lost. So how would I be understood?

I was bugged by these thoughts and I was, am pretty much disturbed.

Dreams are fun, but if you are not assured of yet another day, dreams can sometimes be burdensome. There are times that it is best to stay and lay still – breathe and fall asleep in the comfort that perhaps the next day would be better.

This guy talks about life – and death, like he has been touched by the fear of loss, befriended by death and yes, awakened everyday by the possibility of dying. He can understand my thoughts – am guessing. And that gives me hope – that possibly someone out there would understand. Somebody would relate and see the real story behind my tale-telling.

And so today, I breathe in extra inspiration…

.. cheers to live, or at least to today. 

What I Learned In Life Is //

What I learned in life is
a poem by  by Paulo Coelho

(c) http://lbosquejo.blogspot.com/

What I learned in life is,

That no matter how good a person is,

sometimes they can hurt you & because of this we must forgive.

It takes years to build trust and only seconds to destroy it ..

We don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change..

The circumstances and the environment influence on our lives,

but we are the one who responsible for ourselves..

That you have to control your acts or they will control you..

That patience requires much practice.. that there are people who love us,

but simply don’t know how to show it..

That sometimes the person you think will hurt you and make you fall..

Is instead one of the few who will help you to get up..

You should never tell a child that dreams are fake, it would be a tragedy if they knew..

It’s not always enough to be forgiven by someone,

in most cases you have to forgive yourself first..

That no matter in how many pieces your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop to fix it ..

May be God wants us to meet all the wrong people first before meeting the right one..

So when we finally meet the right one we are grateful for that gift ..

When the door of happiness closes, another door opens..

but often we look so long at the closed one.. we don’t see what was open for us ..

The best kind of a friend is the kind in which you can sit on a porch and walk…

Without saying a word & when you leave it feels it was the best conversation you ever had.

It’s true we don’t know what we have until we find it, but its also true,

we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives..

It only takes a minute to offend someone, an hour to like someone,

a day to love someone, but it takes a life time to forget someone.

Don’t look for appearances, they can be deceiving, don’t go for wealth even that can fade,

Find someone who makes you smile, because it only takes a smile to make a day better,

find what makes your heart smile..

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much..

that you wish you can take them out of your dream and hug them for real..

Dream what you want, go wherever you want to go.. because you have only one life..

and one change to do the things you want to do ..

The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything,

they just make the best of everything that comes their way.

The best future is based on the forgotten past..

You can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

***

and this poem has made it into my deepest prayers

awe-inspiring

Passports and Past Lives

We live different lives now, apparently.

Although I am aware that after Ateneo things would change. Have I imagined that it would be like this? No. The two past years have been harsh. I have never expected that my life would turn around – so fast and so drastic, not even tears could appease my wounded soul.

Last weekend, I have been reminded, yet again, of my status. Reminded that, things have changed and the past has passed and our lives have come to the point where we part ways.

My best friend has a life way different with mine now. Although it is not right to ask her to ‘wait’ as I fix myself and prepare to bounce back, the feeling of being left behind is just so hard to bear. Because of my health condition, I had to let go of many things. Work opportunities, travel and getaways, night outs and many others.    

Passports

I used to dream of going to Batanes with a very special friend. But since things have changed, I had to let go of that dream. And now, yet again, I have to let go of another. She has to chase her dreams, see more places and yes, stamp more countries on her passport. 

While I, have to recuperate and hope and pray that I totally become better.

Past Lives

If there is something I have picked up from my recent facilitating stint at the Ateneo, that would be, LIFE IS AS EASY AS ABC. Awareness bridges Change. It is only after one becomes aware that change shall occur. The dreams we have made are far gone, those are but parts of my past life. And since things have changed, since my health condition has limited me, so shall my dreams. This should not stop me from dreaming though, only, I should revise my goals and make them work within the situation that I am at – now.

People come and go – and the world turns. So it is not right to cling on the past and hope that everything planned would go our way. Let’s celebrate life, day in, day out. 

Keep dreams in our hearts – but change them as we go along the way. 

The adventure is far more fun, when we stir the wheels out of the road.

***

Have a great Tuesday guys!

Perks of Tipping

Tipping benefits you, more than you know.

Although this is not an uncommon practice to many Pinoys, many are still unaware of the amazing benefits that this does. Let me run them down to you.

  

Yesterday I was out for a haircut. Since I moved back down south for work, I have been coming back (my third time yesterday) to a single salon which has satisfied me. But it was only yesterday when I realized tipping was allowed. And so before I left, I made sure to drop a bill on my hairdresser’s pockets.

(Photo from: Restaurants: to tip or not to tip?)

Why did I do it?

Well it’s practically for her, for a job well done. But more than that, as a business major myself, I know it is more for me. It’s an investment, more than anything.

(photo via: http://www.timeout.com.hk)

Tipping is commonly viewed as a simple form of gratitude. Many simply take it as that. But looking more into it, the benefits the tipper derives from this simple act is far more than the amount given.

A tip given is an advantage gained. I won’t sugar quote this one. Thing is, we are placed at a privileged advantage the next time we drop by for another service. Your waiter, valet or hairdresser, like anyone one else, would grant you more attention and favors the next time you avail of their service. It’s a way of bribing them (in a good way) for a favorable service the next time.

A tip given is HAPINESS shared – and gained. Tipping is an expression of gratitude. Not only are you expressing gratitude to the service personnel that treated you well, you are also expressing gratitude towards yourself. It is an act of recognition (and an expression) that you are thankful of your current status – no matter how much you earn.  Because of this gratitude, one is able to share and gain in return a certain form of happiness. Gratitude is a key factor in attaining happiness as according to Martin Seligman and many other leading psychologists of our time. (Read on that topic here)

LASTLY, tipping opens us to a relationship that benefits both parties. It is not a matter of the amount (although it is advised to tip ‘accordingly’) but the mere act of recognizing a person’s service to you is an appreciation of his/her job well done. In return, you become a favored client with whom he or she is indebted for another good service the next time.  You become, sort of, a friend with whom only the best shall be served.

So the next time you’re out, make sure to fold a bill and tip away!

...

post script 

photography by: http://www.flickr.com/people/doneer4th/